A Life That's Not Her Own
by TheTBone
Summary: A young, teenage girl with a complicated past is assaulted and arrested for prostitution. When the SVU squad can't seem to break down her defensive wall, it's going to take a someone with a tough-love attitude and a similar past to help save her from her attacker, her fears, and herself. Heavily references season 14's "Dreams Deferred".
1. Double Life

**I don't own SVU, but I do own the characters you don't recognize.**

She sat on the couch, struggling to keep her eyes open. The exhaustion consumed her, and she was desperate for a period of long, interrupted sleep. She longed just to shut her eyes and be able to zone out the nightmare she was living.

It had already been a long day and it hadn't really begun.

You'd think she'd be used to this routine by now. After all, she had been living by the same schedule for a little over a year now. But instead of it getting any easier, instead of finding some normalcy, getting used to the pattern, the strictures she knew she must live by, it only got harder.

The balancing act, the double life, the façade a titular tight rope. A balance beam she fought to stay on. She inched across the slippery, perilous slope, forcing herself to keep putting one foot in front of the other for the sake of the ones she cared for most of all.

And keeping the two littler ones in mind, she forced herself to go against every natural, selfish instinct she had, and pushed herself off the couch when she heard the rude blast of the alarm clock she'd set.

Sighing to herself, it took her a moment to find her balance and regain her clarity of sight after blurring everything out on the couch.

Looking at the clock, she found that it was a little past 9:30 at night.

"Dammit," she cursed to herself, as she remembered she had forgotten to pack her bag earlier.

Rushing to her room, she sloppily and readily tossed her regular attire into the generic bag, hurriedly zipping the duffel shut in case a pair of younger eyes happened to peer inside the room.

She swung the bag up onto her shoulder, simultaneously grabbing her key ring from the bedside table.

"Sarah! Leah! Let's go, I have to leave!" she yelled somewhat impatiently.

Leah was first to scamper out the door of the shared bedroom. The younger of the two, her strawberry blonde hair whipped behind her as she ran with purpose towards her eldest sister. As she jumped into her arms, Alicia couldn't help but crack a smile.

True, she was tired, and yes, she absolutely hated what she had to do. But she knew that moving the earth would be worth taking care of sweet little Leah.

"Bye Leeshy!" the four-year-old cried, her hands still clasped behind Alicia's neck. "I'll miss you!" she said sincerely.

"You better!" Alicia joked. "It'll be okay though," she reassured, prying the small girl off of her. "I'll be back before you even wake up."

"But what if I can't fall asleep? You have to fall asleep before you can wake up." She stated in a matter-of-fact way.

"That's very true," Alicia agreed. "But I'm sure if you have trouble falling asleep, Sarah will help you. She's perfectly capable to taking care of you. Isn't that right, Sarah?" Alicia prompted, looking over at the middle of the three sisters.

"Of course," Sarah said with a small smile. "Always do," she added with a bit of regret.

"Hey," Alicia said seriously. "That's not fair. You know I have to go to work. Look," she stepped towards the twelve-year-old. "I'm trying to make a better life for us. The least you could do is help out with stuff like-"

"I know," Sarah cut her off. "I know," she sighed. "I appreciate it. It's just …ugh, never mind."

"What?" Alicia asked sincerely.

"It just sucks. I wish we could just be normal and act like sisters, not this," she said sadly, her light brown eyes dimming.

"I know, babe. And I'm sorry about that," she said honestly. "And all of these responsibilities you have, it isn't fair," she breathed, noticing the time on the clock, and knowing she had to leave soon. "It'll get better though. I promise. It has to," she smiled, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

Sarah smiled a small smile back. "You're right."

"Come here," she motioned, wrapping Sarah into a small hug. "I love you, kid."

"Love you too."

Alicia smoothed her hair and reluctantly turned away. "Goodnight. I'll see you guys later, okay?"

The two said their parting words as well, the looks on their faces making it even harder than usual to shut the door. To leave them behind for the world that awaited her.

She trudged through the snow to the gas station, the half-way point between her apartment and her workplace. She waved at the regular cashier there, and walked past the various Icee machines and miniature chip bags to the restrooms, duffel bag in hand.

She exchanged a smile with the woman who stepped out the single-stall restroom and quickly walked into the small area, locking the door and setting the bag on the ground.

Seamlessly, she slid off of casual attire of loose jeans and a hooded sweatshirt and stashed them into her bag. She replaced the modest shirt with a provocative, low-cut, strapless top. The jeans were substituted for a tight miniskirt. The casual pair of sneakers swapped out for a pair of mountainous high heels.

She wiped the small about of make-up she had, feeling it was best to work with a clean slate. Alicia took out the small cosmetic container, and generously applied gaudy amounts of blue eye-shadow, tan foundation, fire-y red lipstick, and mascara until she could feel her eyelashes touch the bottom of her eyebrows.

After the ritualistic and demeaning makeover transformation was complete, she couldn't help but catch a glance of herself in the mirror. She looked closer and examined her face.

She looked old.

And not in the mature, classy, sophisticated way that's appealing. She was looking positively, unattractively old. She spotted wrinkles starting to form on her cheeks. There were permanent under-eye circles tattooing the skin under her eyes. She looked like absolute hell.

Alicia took a deep breath, telling herself to focus. She could worry about her looks later; right now she had a job to do.

She stashed her bag under the sink in the gas station restroom, her makeshift gym locker/storage container when she worked.

As she strutted out the door, she got a range of reactions, ranging from catcalls to whistling to looks of pure disgust.

She caught the eye of the woman she had smiled at earlier. She wasn't smiling now. Most certainly not. Instead her face was wearing a mixture of shock and repugnance.

Alicia was used to it.

People usually didn't look too kindly on her when she was wearing her career persona.

She walked to her place on the sidewalk, into the group of ladies in a similar position. Irene and Chloe were working tonight as well, which lightened her mood a little. Chloe was always entertaining to pass the time with, especially after she got a few drinks in her. Chloe was a deliriously happy drunk, delusional and starry-eyed after getting tipsy. And Irene was kind. She mostly kept to herself, but she was nice. She had a baby girl at home, so she was gentle. Although, Alicia could also tell Irene pitied her a bit, which bothered her. She hated being pitied. Still, she was nice enough, and interesting enough to pass the time with if need be.

She waved to her regular group. There were about eight of them tonight, a few of them she didn't recognize. However, she didn't inquire about their presence. She gets dirty looks from a couple of the unfamiliar faces. Luckily, she doesn't need to. Before they got too far into pointless chatter, several cars pulled up, the group dispersing and disappearing one-by-one to do what they were there to do.

"Hey, honey," he said when he pulled up next to her. He was nothing special. He contained nothing that set him apart from anyone else. Middle-aged, a little on the heavier side, dark hair, brown eyes. He drove an ordinary red car, a little on the beat-up side, and obviously well-worn and used. "Get in," he said with a large smile, not particularly mean, but not extremely inviting either. As if there was even a way to be welcoming in a situation like this.

"Sure, baby," she said, plastering on a seductive smile. She told herself it was just acting. It made it easier that way, displacing herself from the situation. Like she could just remove herself from her body and watch it all happening, like in a movie. A movie she didn't want to see, but a movie nonetheless. It was better than facing the reality of the situation anyway.

"Where we going?" she asked nonchalantly. She always asked. She'd have been stupid not to ask. She needed at least a little control of her destiny. Or if not in control, informed at the very least.

"Hotel on Brady," he said with a thick Jersey accent.

"Schmidt?" She inquired. She'd been to the Schmidt Hotel before. It was a tacky, classless, and frankly rather sketchy place. She hoped she was wrong.

"Yeah, Schmidt," he said, placing a cigarette in his mouth before offering her one. She didn't usually smoke; she hated the way it made her feel suffocated, plus, for practical reasons, cigarettes were damn expensive. However, because of the prospect of the night in the nasty hotel, she figured she could use some artificial relaxant, and readily lit one for herself.

"Thanks, sugar," she said after blowing a puff of smoke out and trying not to cough. She still wasn't quite used to the process. Her lungs hadn't adapted to the habit quite yet.

The man grunted what she took to be a "you're welcome" though she couldn't be certain.

"So how long you want me for?" Alicia asked, peering at the clock inside his car. She wanted to be back before four, so she could at least get a few hours of sleep. Plus, it'd give her ample time before Leah and Sarah woke up.

"You're a talker, huh?" the man asked, annoyed.

"I was just trying to-"

"Well I don't like talkers. So shut that pretty little damn mouth of yours," he commanded.

Alicia looked to the right and rolled her eyes. Great, not only did she not get her question answered but she got stuck with an angry one. Angry ones were the worst. They always wanted it rough, which usually meant leaving marks. She had to be careful about covering those so her little sisters didn't get suspicious. You can only explain away so many bruises with fake stories about tripping or nicking yourself on a cabinet…

They drove the rest of the ride in silence, because God forbid she ask a simple question without getting cursed at. And when they arrived at the hotel they checked in quickly and without question. It was one of **those** hotels. The kind meant for this kind of thing, and where no one thought it was strange how a young girl dressed like this was going in a hotel room alone with a man like that.

It started off like any normal job. He wasn't much for sweet talk beforehand, and he was the rude, arrogant kind while it was actually happening. He liked the control, the dominance, it got him off. He also enjoyed a use of some vulgar, colorful language that Alicia found totally unnecessary. She could see why he had to pay for it.

Alicia ignored it, trying to use her dream-like haze to displace herself from her body. But it was hard this time. He was the roughest she'd ever dealt with, and she couldn't handle it after awhile.

"Gentler, baby," she gritted her teeth, adding the 'baby' so hopefully he'd cooperate.

"Shut up, bitch!" he yelled back.

She tried remaining quite for a few more moment. "Honey, please, I'm serious," she said, this time with desperateness in her voice.

"I said shut the hell up! I ain't paying for your voice!" he screamed, slapping her hard in the face before grabbing her shoulders and violently shaking.

She blinked and a single tear involuntarily rolled out before she could stop it.

How had she gotten into this?

And would she able to get out?

**It's good to be back, fanfiction. I've missed you dearly. Props to justliziam for being my publicist/editor/friend/title-creator/muse/idea bouncer-offer/loads of other things for this story. It'll probably end up being around five chapters. Show the love and review!**


	2. Sudden Intrusion

**I do not own Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. That would be insanely cool though…**

She saw the door handle flicker gently to the right before the door was knocked down in one, swift kick. It only took a second for a trio of police to swarm in and for her to register that she and the john weren't alone anymore.

"Police! Get your hands off the girl!" The man who had entered first yelled, ripping a gun out of his pocket and aiming it at the man on top of her. Obviously shocked by the sudden intrusion, the man did not remove himself until the head officer prodded him with a "now!"

Everything was happening so fast. It was like things were in fast forward, in a swirling, blinding haze of confusion and chaos. And yet, at the same time everything was in slow motion. She had felt as if she had been in that dreaded hotel room for hours. As if she had lived her whole life in there and was never going to get out.

Alarmed at seeing the gun, the man jumped off of her and hastily threw his hands into the air, muttering curses and excuses. She was knocked back into the chest of drawers with a crash, and knew that by tomorrow her leg would be bruised from nicking it on the corner. Although she barely even noticed or cared at this point. She would have so many bruises forming after tonight that one more wasn't going to make that much of a difference.

"Was he attacking you?" the main police officer asked Alicia, now restraining the man.

Alicia managed to nod, stunned and frozen at what was going on.

She caught her balance and leaned herself against the wall, burrowing herself in the little space between the cheap, wooden chest and the television shelf. She was speechless, confused, and hadn't the slightest clue what she should be doing or saying.

Should she be telling the cops what had happened? Giving a statement or whatever? Should she be telling them that this was all a mistake and that the man hadn't done anything wrong? After all, word gets around, and if it spread that you cried wolf, jobs wouldn't be so easy. That could get messy and dangerous too. Johns knew each other, they had each other's back, and they held grudges. What if this guy did get in real trouble and he knew people? She could hurt. Very hurt.

Maybe she should speak up and say that everything that had happened had been entirely consensual. And would that even be a lie? She was getting paid and they had had an agreement. Not about everything, but about the general idea. Was it her job to do what he wanted, whatever and however that was? Did she have a right to say no after a certain point? Where was the line?

She stood there awkwardly, questions penetrating her mind, and simply watched the three police go about their business, each performing a different task.

One read the man his rights and slapped handcuffs on him, arresting and escorting him down the stairs, presumably to a cop car. The man gave her a dirty look, squinting his eyes and flaring his nostrils, screaming incoherent curses at both her and the police that had interrupted his night.

The other two cops pulled out plastic baggies and various other tools for collecting evidence before going about the room, examining things with latex-ridden hands and meticulously slipping things in and out of the bags they brought.

Sure, securing the crime scene and doing whatever else they were doing was great, but what about her? After all, wasn't she considered the victim off all of this? Wasn't she the reason that guy was arrested to begin with? And why had the cops even shown up in the first place? Who or what tipped them off?

"Excuse me," Alicia inquired, finally mustering up the voice and courage to ask a question to one of uniforms tediously dusting for prints.

"Yeah?" the detective looked up, seemingly annoyed.

"Sorry to bother you," Alicia said with a bit of an edge. She shouldn't be treated like an imposition, not right now at least. She had a right to know what was going on. "But what brought you all here?"

"Guest next door called the lobby, complaining of a disturbance. Said they heard a girl yelling, sounding like she was being attacked. Lobby called us, we came here."

"And he got arrested, right?" She asked. She wanted to make sure. She needed to know that she was safe from him, for now at least.

"Yeah, he was arrested," the cop informed her through gritted teeth.

"Is he going to jail?" She didn't know why she was asking all of these questions. Especially in the manner she was asking them. She probably sounded like she was about five years old right now, asking if all of the monsters were out from under her bed. Maybe it was her exhaustion, maybe it was the fact that she knew she was growing up faster than she ought to, or maybe a mixture of both.

"There's a lot of legal stuff that has to happen before we know that," he said as if she was the dumbest person in the entire world. As if she wasn't even worth wasting his breath on because of her stupidity.

"So like what if-"

"Can you just let me do my job, lady?" he asked breathlessly. "Christ, I don't know, I'm just trying to collect my damn evidence."

And then she got it. She understood what was going on and why she was being treated the way she was. She looked down at her outfit. Her revealing, branding outfit that showed she was nothing more than another whore to them.

Just another dirty girl off the street who got what she deserved. She must have been asking for all of it. After all, what rights did she have? Maybe she needed to be taught a lesson or two.

Alicia pulled her tiny, thin jacket around her tighter to try and regain a sense of control and quasi-modesty, but to no avail. She was cold and embarrassed and wished she were anywhere but there.

But at the same time, she was furious. It pissed her off that she was being treated like a second class citizen. Like she deserved to be bleeding and bruised and taken advantage of. They acted as if she was doing this for fun or something. They had no idea. No one understood and she was livid that no one cared.

"Can I just go home?" Alicia asked, irritated. This was a mistake, it was all a mistake. She couldn't handle this investigation. She had to keep taking care of her sisters and herself. She hadn't even asked for this. She didn't call the police. And she wished they could just leave and she could go home and see her sisters and sleep. Why had she screamed? She could have toughed it out and she would have been done by now, back at home. But she made a sound and she was paying for it.

"Not yet."

"Why not?" She snapped.

"Because, you're a witness and a victim," he snapped back, matching her tone, spitting the word 'victim' out, negating the meaning of the word by the hostility and skepticism in his voice.

"Well then aren't you going to take my statement or something?" she asked, a new sharpness replacing the formerly mousy tone in her voice.

"We called SVU to do that, they're better equipped to handle this sort of thing. Deal with this stuff all the time," the man said, bored, without a hint of compassion or emotion whatsoever.

"Great. Well I'm just going to sit over here until they get here," she said, and was met with a thoughtless grunt. Annoyed, she slumped down into the chair in the corner of the room as she watched them gather their precious evidence. She put her palm to her forehead and rubbed her eyes. Even the authorities looked on her with disdain. No one could ever understand. And she was done trying to make them care.

SVU

Olivia Benson was not pleased at the scene in front of her as she walked into the dingy, poorly-lit hotel room. She took in the sight in front of her. There were two cops, moseying around and examining the room. This would not have been a big deal in and of itself had it not been for a young-looking, scantily-dressed girl sitting in the corner, arms crossed and slightly shivering. She was about to give the two detectives a quick lecture about proper etiquette. She was about to give them a curse-ridden and insult-laced speech about prioritizing at the crime scene, but decided against it. That could wait, she decided, her victim could not.

"Hey," she said with a small wave, walking over to the girl, and slipping off her coat. "Here, you look kind of cold," she said, draping the jacket over her shoulders.

"Thanks," the girl mumbled. She was grateful for the new layer of warmth, seeing as her teeth had been chattering for awhile now.

"I'm Detective Benson. I work for the Special Victims Unit, but feel free to call me Olivia, okay?"

"Okay," Alicia replied impassively, wrapping the jacket tighter around herself, fidgeting with the buttons out of discomfort.

"Good," Olivia smiled, kneeling down and flipping open a small, yellow notepad from her pocket and clicking her pen. "Now, I'm going to need to ask you a few questions. Do you think you could answer them for me?"

"I'll do my best," Alicia raked her fingers through her hair. She wanted out of here. Now. This was pointless. No one was going to understand what she was doing or why she was doing it. There was no use in trying to explain it, even if the person asking seemed kind like this woman. She may be sweet, but deep down she knew that she couldn't really know. It was impossible to get it if you hadn't been in the situation. And so while she admired Olivia for trying, she already despised her ignorant pity.

"Great," Olivia smiled again. "Can I start off by asking your name?"

"Alicia Harris."

Olivia nodded. "Did someone hurt you tonight, Alicia?"

She nodded, staring at a point on the wall, refusing to make eye-contact with the lady.

"Who attacked you?"

She shrugged. "I don't exactly know his name. I didn't ask," she looked down at her hands. "Why does it matter? You have him in custody, don't you?"

The detective nodded. "Yes, but it's important for you to identify him. It's procedural, for legal purposes."

Alicia sighed, "well, I didn't get his name," she said quieter.

"That's fine," Olivia held a hand out. "That's okay, we can do a line-up and-"

"Whoa, a line-up? I don't have time for a line-up, I have to get home," Alicia argued, shooting up, suddenly remembering everything she had to do. She didn't have time for this. She glanced over at the clock on the chest. It was already a little past three. She had to get home, check on the girls. She couldn't go do some line-up. And court was definitely out of the question.

"Alicia, you have to somehow identify him," Olivia gently pushed her back down.

"Why?" she asked in almost a whine. "You have him, what do you need me for?"

"Alicia, unless you ID him and tell us what happened, the charges probably aren't going to stick. Without you, he could go free. Back onto the streets, back hurting other girls"

"Look, at this point, I really don't care. I just-I have to get home," she stood up again.

"You have to tell me what happened, sweetie," Olivia replied compassionately.

"I don't have to do anything. And I really need to go."

"Alicia, you can't leave. I'm sorry," Olivia said apologetically, delicately grabbing Alicia's arm.

"And why is that?" Alicia ripped her arm out of her grasp. "I said that I don't want your help, okay? Why can't you just drop it?"

"Because," Olivia sucked in a breath and sighed before continuing. "Because if you don't I'll have to arrest you," she said with a soft bluntness.

"Arrest me?" Alicia humorlessly scoffed with a mixture confusion and anger. "Why the hell would you be arresting _me_?"

"For prostitution," Olivia replied, letting it sink in. "Now I don't want to do that, but if you don't cooperate, I won't have a choice. So please, Alicia, I'm begging you. Just talk to me."

"Seriously? You know what, no! Screw you! Screw all of you! I'm the one who was attacked and I'm being treated like a criminal? You've got to be kidding me," she spat bitterly.

"Alicia, please just-"

"Forget it. I'm not telling you anything," Alicia replied haughtily. And no, it most certainly was not the smartest decision she'd ever made, but she couldn't help it. What was happening was wrong. She wasn't about to be bullied into talking. Why should she be forced into saying something she didn't want to say? Let's not forget _she _was the one being attacked!

Olivia closed her eyes and let out a sad breath. "Alicia Harris you're under arrest," she said, spinning her around and calmly locking her into handcuffs. "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you…"

Alicia shook her head and allowed herself to be led outside by Olivia.

She couldn't imagine how this night could get worse. But somehow she knew that it would.

**Like it? Love it? Hate it? Want to take it out to dinner and a movie? Want to rip it up and throw it in a giant fireplace? Let me know by clicking that little review button and making my day! For just a few seconds of your time, you could save a poor writer's spirit from being crushed by lack of feedback! **

**Shout out to justliziam for proofreading this chapter and giving me some awesome suggestions! Everyone give her a round of applause, okay? Okay. Thanks. **


	3. Fruitless Conversation

The ride in the car was relatively silent. Of course, carrying on a normal course of conversation was usually rather challenging considering the iron bars separating the front seat from the back area, where Alicia was forced to sit. After all, she was a prisoner. A criminal.

Alicia crossed her arms and looked out the window, watching snowflakes begin to fall gently to the ground. She hurriedly wiped a tear she hadn't even realized had fallen. It was all so overwhelming. The anxiety, the fear, the injustice of it all was enough to leave her dangling on the edge, helplessly drowning and frantically flailing to grasp a sense of security.

"Alicia?" the detective uttered from the driver's seat, interrupting her thoughts of hopelessness and anger.

"What?" Alicia asked, trying to come off as defensive and annoyed, her voice instead betraying her, the response coming across as more of a broken whimper.

She saw the detective look in her rearview mirror. What was her name again? Olivia, that was it. She saw Olivia glance in the mirror, and she knew she wasn't looking at the road behind them. Her eyes were filled with concern and something else she couldn't place. Pity? Pain? Regret? She didn't know for sure, but she knew that it went deeper than just concern. She was fighting her own internal demons as well.

"How old are you, Alicia?" she asked, shaking her head and refocusing her eyes on the road.

"Nineteen," she replied, albeit a beat too late, making it rather unconvincing.

Olivia looked back into the mirror again, her eyebrow raising and the semblance of a smirk playing on her lips. That same look never left her eyes, however. "How old are you really?"

"Sixteen," she mumbled, caught. Alicia's eyes went downcast, and she began to pick at a loose string in her skirt. She rubbed her legs together in an attempt to warm them up. Thankfully she still had Olivia's jacket, pulling it even tighter around her upper half.

Apparently Olivia was satisfied with this answer, because she didn't ask another follow-up question. In fact, she didn't speak at all the rest of the ride there. That was just as well, Alicia thought, it gave her more time to ponder things in silence. Sort out what had so rapidly occurred in the past few hours, and attempt to make a plan to minimize their consequences in the future.

SVU SVU SVU

Olivia was in desperate need of a nap. Or a Xanax. Or a week long vacation to somewhere warm and isolated and far away from here, but she supposed the cup of coffee in her hand would have to do.

It broke her heart shutting and locking that holding cell, leaving behind a face only guilty of being young and confused. She knew the girl was innocent, but she arrested her because she technically could. Did the end outweigh the means? She tried to convince herself that tough-love was the only way to go, but did she take it too far? She was just trying to keep the girl safe. Hoping to coerce a healing process with handcuffs. But is that really the way she wanted to operate? Was she guilty of victim-blaming? Was she being selfish by using these scare tactics?

She stirred her coffee and shook her head, trying to clear these thoughts from invading her brain. She couldn't think about it anymore, and deep down she knew there was no easy answer. It was a lose-lose situation, and she would have regretted her decision regardless of which she chose. Red pill, blue pill, it was all the same. And now she had to live with this one, and do whatever she could to make it worthwhile.

She made her way into the back part of the precinct where her coworkers were gathered, by the coffee machine and away from the holding cell. Olivia had briefed Cragen and the rest of the squad while Alicia was getting fingerprinted and going though the preliminary steps that came with being arrested.

"How should we do this, Captain?" Nick asked, taking a sip out of his Styrofoam cup filled with Munch's practically intolerable coffee blend. At least it was still somewhat warm.

Cragen pinched the bridge of his nose. "Haven't decided. Liv, you were with her awhile? Any ideas?"

Olivia sighed. There would be no easy way to deal with this. "She's stubborn, so she's going to need a little push."

"So you're suggesting Nick take the lead?"

Olivia reluctantly shrugged. "But underneath you can tell she's fragile. We can't push her too hard."

Cragen sighed, "Well you can't have it both ways, Olivia."

"Unless we do a joint interrogation," Olivia suggested.

"Wouldn't that overwhelm her?" Amanda asked.

"I don't see a better option…all right, we'll try it. Nick, Olivia, go ahead. See what you can do."

SVU SVU SVU

"I'm not talking to you," Alicia said as she slumped down in the chair of the interrogation room, stubbornly folding her arms across her chest.

"Oh we're not asking you to talk. Nothing you say is going to change the fact that you're a criminal, Alicia. Plain and simple," Nick said, rolling up his sleeves.

Alicia raised her eyebrows, her mouth forming an almost amused expression. "Okay."

"What's so funny? You think you can get away with this? Because if so you're in for a rude awakening. You treating this like a joke is going to land you in even more serious trouble."

"A joke? You know what the real joke is? That fact that I'm even sitting here in the first place. I'm the victim."

"You're a prostitute, Alicia! You broke the law, and you deserve to be punished. And you can bet I'll be more than happy to do so considering who I'm dealing with."

Alicia let out a cynical chuckle. "You think I'm actually stupid enough to fall for that one? You insult me so I become defensive and spill my heart out? Nice try."

"This isn't a trick, Alicia. This isn't some game. You're looking at hard time here. Unless you change your attitude and cooperate with us, you're going to land yourself in jail."

"Oh will I?"

"Damn right you will!" Nick slammed his hand on the table for emphasis. Alicia didn't even flinch, instead looking at the hand. "Is that what you want? To be in a cage for a good portion of your life? Because that's the reality. You know what jail is like? It's dehumanizing. It's restrictive. You get no time for yourself, no peace, no decisions. Nothing. Is that where you want to be?" he said, getting close to her face and squinting his eyes at her.

"Honey," she leaned forward to match his gaze, "I'm already there." They all knew she wasn't just talking about tonight.

"You're throwing your life away," Nick continued in a threatening voice. "You're making this one stupid decision and it could ruin your life. All you have to do is talk to us and this would all go away, but you're choosing this. You're bringing it upon yourself. Maybe it's because you know you're guilty. You know deep down you deserve it and you're too dumb to stop it. Or maybe you like this attention. Is that it, Alicia? You've got issues and you need act like this to get it? You'll get plenty of it in prison, that's for sure."

"Don't you get it? You don't scare me. There's nothing you can do to me that could be worse than what's already happened. So do what you want with me. I don't care."

"Alicia," Olivia said, deciding it was time to step in. Obviously Nick's tactics backfired, and she supposed she was the last resort. "We're here to help you."

"You can't help me," Alicia said softly.

"Well maybe if you talk about things, you'll feel better," Olivia suggested.

Alicia shook her head. "You won't understand."

"You may be surprised."

"I highly doubt it."

"Well can you try? Nick can leave if that'd be more comfortable for you," Olivia glanced at Amaro, giving him a look that told him to exit the room.

"Sure, I can go," he complied, smiling to let her know that he was truly on her side.

"He doesn't have to leave," Alicia said, making Nick stop in his tracks and turn around. "Don't you two understand? You're never going to get it. No one is. It's complicated, and there's no way you're ever going to be able to know. It won't make sense unless you've been in my shoes. I'm not trying to come off as some self-centered drama queen who's complaining about how life is oh so hard, but it's the truth. I'm sorry, but I just don't see the point."

"I can try to understand, Alicia. I swear to you I will try my very hardest, and maybe this can go somewhere. Maybe it would help."

Alicia closed her eyes. They weren't getting it. They wouldn't be able to identify with her, and that was the key to helping. She didn't need someone yelling at her. She didn't need someone to say they were sorry. She needed someone to connect with her. Someone that had shared some experiences and could appreciate her thoughts. Because to any onlooker, no matter how open-minded, it wouldn't make sense. It couldn't. "I'm sorry," she said, denying her once again.

Olivia took a deep breath, racking her brain to try and find a solution. There had to be one. And then all of the sudden, an idea flickered into her brain. A glimmer of hope, and a trace of excitement. She was getting ready to throw her Hail Mary pass, and praying that it would be caught.

"Alicia, I have an idea. And I really need you to just be open to it, okay? Can you do that?"

"I guess that really depends, doesn't it?" she asked rhetorically.

"I'm not promising you anything. And I'm not asking you to promise me anything either. Only agree that you'll give it chance, all right? Listen and think about it, and don't shoot it down, all right? Can you agree to that?"

"Fine," Alicia said, although she couldn't imagine what fix-all plan Olivia could have cooked up in all of approximately five seconds. "I'll try."

Olivia nodded and got up from her seat.

"On one condition," Alicia said, stopping her.

"Anything," she pledged.

"Have someone go check on my sisters first. Somebody has to make sure they're okay. Tell them not to worry, that I'm fine, I just had some errands to run. And have someone see to it that they get to school all right. Can you do that?"

"Absolutely," Olivia assured her, giving her a small, reassuring smile before closing the door to the interrogation room, leaving her behind with only her thoughts for company.

"Captain, can we send someone to check on her sisters and make sure they get to school okay?"

Cragen nodded. "I'll send Fin and Rollins. How'd it go?"

"It was interesting. I need to make a call."

"What?" he asked, but she was already on her way outside to make a call.

She dialed the number and held up to her phone, cursing to herself as it rang a third time.

"What the hell? It's three o'clock in the morning for Christ's sake," the heavily accented voice on the other side of the line greeted.

"Jeannie, it's Olivia. I need a favor."


	4. Unexpected Guests

**Disclaimer: I do not SVU. That would be pretty epic though.**

Twelve-year-old Sarah Harris was jolted awake by the sound of the doorbell. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she sat up on the couch and looked at the digital clock on the table across from her. Who in the hell was ringing the doorbell at 3:30 in the morning?

She sighed, too tired to seriously ponder the question, instead figuring she'd find out soon enough. She flung off the blanket that she'd haphazardly strung across herself while mindlessly falling asleep to a rerun of some random soap opera. Groggily she made her way across the room, squinting and occasionally having to touch a table or wall to keep herself from falling over, unsteady on her feet from being suddenly and unexpectedly awakened.

She latched the door from the inside, as one might do in a hotel or an apartment, and even though she, Alicia, and Leah lived in a small house, Alicia insisted on installing one. Sarah had rolled her eyes when Alicia fretted over getting one, but she was suddenly grateful for it now. The thought of being the oldest one home, opening a door to God knows who past three o'clock in the morning swiftly hit her, and she was now feeling a bit uncertain.

They didn't live in the ghetto by any means, but it definitely wasn't the best neighborhood either. What was she going to do if it was some creepy, scary criminal outside her house? She obviously was going to be useless in self-defense considering she was quite small for her age. And there was no way she would be able to protect Leah too. And what if there was more than one of them? She had no chance against one let alone two huge, frightening maniacs.

She told herself to stop being so paranoid. She always made fun of Alicia for being unreasonably overcautious. She couldn't be hypocritical and overanalyze and be suspicious of everything.

Sarah forced herself to regain a sense of courage and cracked the door, albeit tentatively and not before checking the chain's strength a few more times.

She peered outside, and was met with the sight of two people standing on her porch. There was a petite blonde lady standing next to a rather large Hispanic man. She almost laughed at the stark contrast between the appearances of the two. The man looked harsh and muscular, like he should be in a motorcycle gang or at a wrestling match or something. And then there was the tiny woman, who looked like she belonged at a country club or the beach. And although she knew where they looked like they should be, she did not know why they were where they were: outside her house.

"Hello?" she inquired, immediately cursing how weak her voice sounded. She decided to blame it on just being asleep and still adjusting to consciousness.

"Hi, darling. Sorry to wake you. I'm Detective Rollins, and this is Detective Tutuola," the blonde lady said, her voice tinted with a soft southern accent.

Sarah nodded. "Okay. Why, um, what are you doing here?" she inquired.

"Your sister Alicia just sent us here to check on you."

"Why, where is she, is she all right?" Sarah said, not even bothering to hide her panic this time. She could feel her heart drop to her stomach and its beats vibrate in her throat and pounding in her head.

Sensing her alarm, Rollins quickly reassured her. "She's fine, she's fine. She's just gotten herself into a little bit of trouble," she said with a regretful smile.

"What kind of trouble? What do you mean?" Sarah asked, still frantic.

"I'll tell you. Do you mind if we come in? It might take awhile," Rollins asked.

"Yeah, sure. Sorry for being rude, I-" she stumbled over her words, overwhelmed at everything that was happening. She tried yanking the door open to no avail. It kept getting stuck on something. It took her a few pulls before she remembered it was still latched. She bit her lip and gave the detectives a sheepish, embarrassed smile before undoing the lock and sliding the door open with ease.

"Thanks," Rollins said, stepping into the home. Fin followed behind her, nodding at Sarah as he stepped inside as well.

"Uh, Leah's in her room asleep," Sarah stated. She didn't exactly know why she felt the need to inform them of this, but nevertheless thought it would fill the void of awkward silence.

"Okay," Rollins smiled. "Do you want to sit down?"

"Sure, yeah, sorry about the mess," she said, grabbing the blanket off the couch and draping it across a dining room chair. She anxiously rushed to tidy up the coffee table, picking up the bowls filled with lone macaroni and cheese noodles and a few Cheerios remains swimming around in a shallow pool of skim milk. "You can go ahead and sit," she said as she walked into the kitchen to place the empty containers in the sink.

She turned to join them in the living room, pausing before she could get all the way out of the kitchen. This was so awkward. Here she was with two strangers; home alone except for her baby sister. Granted, they were cops, or so they said, but it was still weird. Apart from the fact that these were highly unusual circumstances, she was also feeling odd for more practical reasons. She didn't know the proper etiquette for this, and she didn't want them to think she was rude. So she did the only thing she could think of.

"Do you want something to drink? We have, um, let's see," she opened her fridge. They were rather lacking on drink variety. They'd finished the milk with dinner and Alicia didn't buy soda very often. "We have water and coffee and…that's about it unless you're in to Juicy Juice," they were always stocked with juice boxes because they were Leah's favorite.

"Got any grape?" Fin joked, talking for the first time.

Sarah let out a laugh. "Afraid not. Will apple or cranberry do?"

"I really had my heart set on grape. In that case, I'll just take a water," Fin winked.

"Water would be great, hon, if it's not too much trouble," Rollins added.

"Of course not, detectives," she said, taking out a few glasses and filling them with ice.

"You can call me Amanda," Rollins said, taking the glass of water. "And this is Fin."

"It's a little shorter than Tutuola," Fin said, taking a sip of water as well.

"So," Sarah started after each of them had put their water glasses on the coffee table. "My sister."

"Your sister," Amanda nodded, pursing her lips and looking over at Fin, hoping he would either take charge or give her some idea of how she should begin. "Well, tonight Alicia had-"

"Sarah!" a whiny voice cried out and interrupted Amanda's speech from the hall.

All three looked over to see a tiny, strawberry blonde, heavily freckled girl pouting and crossing her arms.

"What is it, Leah?" Sarah leaned forward to see her little sister stomping her way to where Sarah was sitting, unfazed by the presence of the two strangers.

"Sarah, I am very upset," she said seriously, her arms still crossed, her eyebrows lowered.

"Why are you very upset?" Sarah asked patiently, but obviously exasperated.

"My teddy bear is missing. You know that I cannot sleep without my teddy bear," she addressed this matter with a pressing tone.

"I am well aware of this, but I don't know how that's my fault or what you want me to do about it."

"I want you to give it back," she said as if this was obvious.

"Give it back? I didn't take it!" Sarah said defensively.

"Well I had it when I went to sleep and teddy didn't just walk away! He wouldn't do that to me! He loves me!"

"Well did you check around your bed? Maybe teddy fell down by accident."

Leah huffed. "Of **course** I checked around my bed. But he is **not **there, Sarah. Are you absolutely positive you didn't take him?"

"I am 100% certain that I did not steal teddy."

Leah moved her head to peer at Fin and Amanda. "What about you? You look rather suspicious."

"Leah! Don't be rude to our guests!" Sarah clasped a hand over Leah's mouth. "I'm really sorry. She's just tired, she's really usually not this much of a brat," she glared down at Leah.

Lean licked her hand.

"Ew, Leah, that is disgusting! I don't want your nasty tongue on my hand!"

"Well I don't want **your **nasty hand on my mouth either!" she cried.

Sarah sighed. "Okay, when I get done talking to the detectives, I'll help you find teddy, all right? Now will you please go back to bed?"

"I told you I can't sleep."

"You don't have to sleep; you just have to wait there."

"I want to wait with teddy."

Sarah put her head in her face. Why did Leah always have to be so irritating? Why couldn't she just mind her this one time? This was important and she was stuck.

"How about I help you try to find teddy? Would that be okay?" Fin asked.

Leah looked up at him skeptically, but surprisingly without fear. "What's your name?" she squinted.

"Fin," he stuck out his hand, and which Leah promptly gave a firm shake. "Amanda and I are detectives, so we're really good at finding things."

"I'm Leah. It'll be a pleasure doing business with you. If it's okay with my sister," she glanced over at Sarah. "Can he help me?"

"Sure. That would be great," she gave Fin a grateful smile and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Come on, Fin! Maybe if we find teddy we can even have a tea party with you and me and teddy and teddy's friend Mr. Piggy, and Mr. Piggy's wife Mrs. Kitty, and -" her voice trailed off as she dragged Fin into her room, leaving Amanda and Sarah alone on the couch.

"Well she's very…outgoing," Amanda said.

Sarah gave a chuckle. "Tell me about it. She's a lot to handle. It gets to be pretty exhausting sometimes."

"I know how that can be," Rollins replied, thinking about how Kim was always the loud one, the talkative one, the social one who liked to go out and meet new people. She was always shyer, more of a homebody.

"So…Alicia," Sarah started. "She was arrested, wasn't she?"

Amanda nodded slowly. "She was, but she won't be in jail for long. And my friend is with her. She's taking really, really good care of her." Amanda didn't want to go into detail about the arrest, and she wasn't even going to tell her about the attack. It would be too much, and it wasn't hers to share. Alicia would have to be the one to tell her that.

"I know what it was for," Sarah looked down at her hands.

"What do you mean?" Amanda asked.

"She was arrested for…you know…bad stuff. Right?" Sarah said, her face blushing a deep red. She couldn't bring herself to say the word to this unfamiliar person. "Sex stuff," she practically whispered.

"Yeah," Amanda nodded casually, trying to relax her. She could tell the poor girl felt awkward. "Prostitution is the official term." She didn't see the point in holding back. The girl obviously knew what was going on, and it was better she heard the truth than creating situations in her head.

Sarah nodded. "I've known for awhile."

"How?" Amanda inquired. She seriously doubted Alicia knew about Sarah knowing. Though she'd never formally met the girl, from the little she'd heard about her, she didn't think that would be something she felt comfortable doing or sharing.

"Oh you know, I kind of just put everything together. I saw her in some of the clothes she wears when she comes late and she thinks I'm sleeping. She has a lot of makeup hidden under her sink. It all just kind of came together one time."

They sat in silence for awhile. Sarah kicked her feet while Amanda chewed on some of the ice left over in her cup.

"I think I know why she makes me do what I do now," Sarah said breaking the pause in conversation.

"Do what?" Amanda said with a hint of concern, wondering if Sarah had to do things if they were running low on cash.

"She's always really tough on me about school and stuff. And she never lets me wear any cool clothes or go out late. I think it's just because she don't want me to have to do what she does. I think it's because she's protecting me. Don't you think?"

She looked up at Amanda. She was asking a simple question, but her eyes were asking more. She was desperately seeking some answers about her life. She knew so much, too much for a girl her age, but yet she knew so little. So much of her life and who and what she lived with was still a mystery. It was all way over her head.

"I think you're right. I think you have a really great older sister," Amanda said, suddenly getting a pang in her chest. She should have been more like this to Kim. Maybe if she would have, Kim could have turned out differently. Their relationship could have been different. Had she been selfish? Should she have taken more responsibility as an older sister? Did she let Kim down?

"I know what she did was wrong. And I know why you had to arrest her. But now you know how good she is and that she was just helping me, so can you get her out so she can come home now?" Sarah asked desperately.

"I wish I could, honey, but it doesn't really work that way. We'll help her though, I promise," she reassured.

"I should have done more to help," Sarah said guiltily. "I shouldn't have complained so much and done more and then she wouldn't be in jail."

"That's not true," Amanda said, awkwardly putting a hand on the younger girl's shoulder. She usually left it up to Olivia to be the touchy-feely one. It came more naturally to her than it did to Amanda.

"It is true. This is all my fault," Sarah pulled her knees up to her chest and reluctantly let a tear fall from guilt, exhaustion, and fear.

"Sweetheart, it's not your fault, okay? Don't cry. It'll be all right," Amanda tried soothing her with words, patting her back, sighing when it was making no impact.

"Come here," she said softly, clumsily wrapping her arms around the girl.

Sarah obeyed and sniffled, leaning in and allowing herself to be held by this stranger.

Amanda breathed a sigh of relief and loosened up her formerly stiff, awkward embrace. Maybe she wasn't so bad at this after all.

"Thanks," Sarah wiped a tear and gave Amanda a small smile.

"Anytime," Amanda replied. And she meant it. "Will you be okay by yourself the rest of the night?"

"I'll be fine."

"You sure? I could stay, I don't mind. And you have enough juice to last us all through the apocalypse."

"I'm sure," Sarah laughed.

"Okay then," she patted Sarah's knee before standing up. "I guess I'll go get Fin."

Sarah nodded and led them to Leah's room, peering in to see Leah clutching the long-lost stuffed teddy bear in her hand and Fin fast asleep in the chair next to her, "Goodnight Moon" open on his chest.

"On second thought, they're almost too precious to wake up. Mind if we have a slumber party?"

"Not at all," Sarah chuckled. "I'll get some blankets from the closet for you."

Amanda shook her head, an amused smile still on her face. If only she'd brought her camera to snap a picture of Fin in this rare form.

She turned off the light to the room and thought about how weird this night had been, how strange the situation had been.

And the strange feeling she was getting around Fin lately.

It was a foreign feeling to her.

And the idea both excited and terrified her.

That idea that she thought might be called love.

**Sorry for such a long wait between updates. The end of junior year is hectic! Little break from the Alicia action to focus on her sisters and Amanda and Fin. Did you like the change of pace and setting? What'd you think of the ending? Let me know in a review! =)**

**Shout out to justliziam for being a rocking beta! Without her this chapter probably would have been practically unreadable. **


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